The Mom Who Sits on the Bench

See that bench? It's where I sit. 

Every Sunday my kids and husband go skating and I sit on this bench and watch them. I sit here when my kids take skating lessons as well. And when they're playing baseball and soccer and karate. I sit on the bench when they're at the park and bouncing on the trampoline. 

I'm a ever-present bench sitter.

I've spent my life wishing I could participate in athletics. Believe me when I say I have tried and I have tried hard. I tried soccer and gymnastics and basketball and volleyball. I tried tennis and golf and skating and cross-country. I joined a curling team and failed miserably. I joined cheerleading and didn't make it out of two practices. 

It's not that I have a physical need that does not allow me to participate. It is that I physically cannot keep up. And because of that playing any sport feels like torture to me - it is never, ever fun and it is never, ever easy for me to do anything that requires even the most basic athletic skill. 

If I told you that I've been a runner since I was 19, and then you saw me run, you would laugh. You would think I was joking because I channel a 2 year old who has just learned to walk/run while I'm moving. I always look like I'm about to topple over (and I have, more times than I care to admit). I'm a mess, and yet I have been trying to be a "runner" for years. I've never gotten better, no matter how much I run. In fact, I had a running coach for an entire year and my time and form did not ever improve (that running coach, who I paid for by the way, said he had never had a client who tried less than I did. I can't tell you how demoralizing that was for me). 

If I told you that games like foosball are hard for me because they require hand-eye coordination you would probably not believe me but it's true. I was once on a date at a bar when my date insisted we play foosball. I felt physically sick because I had tried before and knew I was going to be a mess, but I liked him and didn't want to make a fuss. He destroyed me in the game (I don't think I scored once) and then proceeded to go on and on about how he can't stand girls who are too prissy to try. Needless to say we never went out again.

What bothers me is that people, much like my running coach, automatically assume that I'm not trying when I am a disaster at anything that requires athletic skill or coordination. People say "get up and try", "of course you can't play you never try hard", and (my personal favourite) "why don't you put your best effort in?".  But what they don't know is that I do. I try so, so, so hard when it comes to sports and athletics and have tried for so many years. 

Those are just two examples - I could write a novel on the number of times I tried my best at something even remotely athletic and was told it wasn't good enough. 

So why do I tell you all this? Maybe deep down I want some sympathy or something, but I also want to give a bit of a reality check. 

There's a huge shift in expectations put on parents to participate in athletics with their kids. We tell parents they need to be present and active with their children. And, be honest, we judge those parents who are not. 

My Truths

My friend Sarah writes one of my favourite blogs, Sarahcasm, in which she often writes letters to her kids, imparting nuggets of wisdom upon them. Today, I'm taking a page out of her book.

Dear Z & W,

I've been on the planet for way longer than you have. Along the way, I've had my fair share of lessons, some of them stuck and some of them fell by the wayside. But some of them became my 'truths'- things that I hold near and dear to me and believe to almost always be absolute. They are fluid, often changing or shifting as life hands me new lessons along the way. Nonetheless, here is what I know to be true:

• Loyalty means more than you know. Be loyal to those who bring you up, give you a job when no one else wants you, take the time to teach you things. Keep their secrets. Don't sell out to the highest bidder or get poached by a competitor. They'll often use you for what you know and discard you.
• People can be idiots. Common sense isn't common.
• When your life is right with God, your life is right.
• Don't be afraid to speak up- it's the only way you'll get what you desire in life. Put yourself out there, no matter how uncomfortable.
• There will always be someone who doesn't wish you well. Don't dwell. You can't force people to like you.
• Gossip is toxic.
• It's OK to want to look attractive, it's not OK to make that the focus of your life.
• Work ethic is everything. Be willing to get dirty, make mistakes, be told you're wrong, do whatever it takes. Work hard. You will be rewarded.
• Make mistakes. Often.
• It's OK to have regrets. People who tell you that they regret nothing are lying.
• Life doesn't always go your way. Get used to it. Don't blame your past or other people. Face those issues head on and find a way to move past them.
• Most friendships have a season. Some will last for a lifetime but most will not. Nonetheless, make the most of the time you have with your friends- they are often your greatest teachers
• When in doubt- LOVE.

Life will teach you your own truths and your own lessons. They're not always easy to learn. You won't always adhere to that which you know to be true. You'll stumble. But don't be afraid of that- falling often teaches you the best lessons of all.