Today I'm taking W for his 4 month shots. Except that he's 5 months old. I kept meaning to make an appointment for him but I just never really got around to it.
Kinda the story of my life right now. I adore these kids- I love being home with them- but I never have a spare second. A second to make a phone call or send an email or read my mail. Barely a moment to pee (hence leaving Z alone with W... with some interesting results). I don't' even know if I breathe some days. So W's appointment was delayed. And Z didn't get a haircut for well over two months (but he still looked cute, so that's ok). And my floors are kinda sticky and I'm not sure from what. And I'm not working out or eating well. But my kids are happy and well-fed and healthy and I guess that's what important.
I actually don't think that being a mom of two is as big of a change as when I became a mom for the first time. Maybe it's because W is a bit easier to deal with. Maybe it's because I have a bit of experience and don't freak over every.little.detail. With Z, I felt anxious 24/7. Anxious that any small move I made might be the undoing of him and ruin him for life. I wasn't used to the tiredness, the constant neediness, the "fish out of water" feeling that comes with being a new mom. This time around, I'm already tired, used to being on-call 24/7, and already know that I know nothing (really), so adding W to the mix hasn't been as big of a shock to my system.
I feel a bit of guilt, however, over not giving W the same amount of attention that Z enjoyed for 2 years. I mean, Z was king of our world and his every need, whim and fancy were taken care of immediately and without question. He was it. Now, although we love W and Z equally and want them to enjoy the same quality of life, W's needs are not as readily met. W has to wait, be carted around with his brother when he should be napping, delay naps and miss doctor visits.
So today, although W is 5 months old, we'll be heading off for his 4 months shots (which I'm not 100% will happen, truth be told, because he's had some yucky chest congestion...but I digress). And while I don't think I'm a bad mom for being late on the shots, I do wish I had just a few seconds in the day to take that breath, make that phone call, and shower W with as much attention as my little guy deserves.
(somebody grab me a cloth so I can wipe that drool?)