The Red-Headed Litigator

I am convinced that Z will become a lawyer when he grows up. Or a union boss. I cannot think of a career that would suit his personality more. The personality that has been driving me up.the.wall.

From the moment Z was born, he had a strong personality. Even the nurses in the hospital said something to the effect of "good luck" as my tiny red-head screamed so loudly and for so long that everyone gave up trying to calm him down. He wants what he wants, when he wants it, right now. NOW. DON'T MAKE ME WAIT OR YOU WILL SUFFER MY WRATH.

This, my friends, has caused head-butting to reach an all time high at my house. He, the red-headed litigator, does not accept substitutes or redirection or alternatives. He does not respond to time-outs (unless they are long and in his room. alone.) or threats or the disposal of toys/games/books. He will not budge.

The biggest sticking points recently have been milk. And diaper changes. And any food I place in front of him. And tv. He will stand his ground until he breaks you down. There is no stopping this kid.

Let me give you an example.
He wants milk to drink- not water, not juice. Milk. MIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLKKKKKKK. And should you dare to place water in front of him he will throw and kick and scream and cry and attempt the most SuperNanny fit you have seen outside of tv. And, if you're his mom, you will ignore him. Which will make our little litigator more angry. And then he will try to bargain and debate and cajole and convince. And, if you're his mom, you will ignore and stand your ground. Which will make the red-headed wonder whine and whine and ask and ask and ask and ask and ask. He'll go for hours. He doesn't need a break. He doesn't care if he's annoying. He wants milk and he will get it. And, if you're his mother, (who has stood strong for nearly 4 hours at this point- 4 relentless hours) you will give in at some point because he might have all day to fight with you, but you don't have the same luxury of time. And that fireball will sit, smugly, and sip his milk and kiss his cup like he has never tasted anything more beautiful in his life. And he will say something like, "see, that wasn't hard, was it mommy?". And you will cringe, knowing that he  has won yet another case.

Here he is, angry at me for trying to take his picture with my phone. Of course.

I will fully admit that I get tired of fighting and arguing and debating. I get tired of convincing him that he is not the boss. I get tired of standing my ground. This parenting thing is not for the faint of heart, believe me. I keep reminding myself how important it is for him to hear the words NO and for them to have some traction. For there not to be emptiness in my threats. But I am fully convinced that he is completely unable to hear the word NO. Thereby making all my "ground standing" fruitless.

So, my little Solicitor and I will continue to battle it out in the court of 2.5 year old logic. And I will remind myself that all this arguing will only help him to become the most kick-butt lawyer that Canada has ever seen.

10 comments:

  1. Hilarious. Zach has inspired me never to settle for juice again.

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    Replies
    1. other lessons he will teach you: never settle for a clean diaper when a dirty one is perfectly comfortable, demand Diego 24/7 until you drive your mother insane, NEVER eat a bite of food that you have not requested, no matter how hungry you are. NEVER give in.

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  2. Ruth (aka "Grandma")February 15, 2012 at 10:01 AM

    LOL....great blog!!
    As I read I could picture Z "negotiating"!
    Well written Sarah!

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  3. Best post of the year so far. I sat at my desk and laughed out loud.

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  4. Have you read 123 Magic? It might be helpful.

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  5. Sounds exactly like my son and 123 Magic doesn;t work, he just keeps counting believe me Ive tried it all. Spirited children are wonderful and horrifying all at once.

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    Replies
    1. They will be awesome adults...if they make it there;)

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  6. Not going to lie, I laughed out loud as well, but now that the laughing has stopped and the tears have dried, Sarah I commend you! 4 hours...I'd have caved long before! Your description of his kissing the cup and his comment almost made me choke, this kid is BRAVE!!! Hopefully W goes a bit easier on you!

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